In order to move to Europe, I’ve obviously had to quit my job, which I did today. And true to form, I’m experiencing some ‘shades of bipolar’ this evening.
A little back story: I am an IT Geek by trade and for the last 8 years had a very influential, high pay, high stress job at a major corporation. I got to play with hemorrhaging-edge technology and was able to turn some of it into company standards. I worked with the most brilliant people, had fun doing it and can honestly say with complete humility that I know how fortunate I am to have held my dream job. What went wrong: the endless hours and mounting stress from all the reorganizations and mismanagement helped drive me to my breakdown a year ago. Nope, I never should have returned to work after my hospitalization, but I did manage to put up a front for three-quarters of this past year before handing in my resignation.
What’s the bipolar spin on all of this? Manic = I need to hurry up and replace the high I got from getting to play with the cool stuff and the intoxicating feeling from running and running and running all the time – living for my company – it was sooo good! Depressive = Eight years of this stuff has left me a drone and a little bit lost, wondering, “What have I done?” and where the next bit of structure in my life will come from.
So, while sipping my very naughty gin and orange juice earlier, I came to the conclusion that what I am feeling now is actually – normal. Sometimes it’s normal to have ‘bipolar’ feelings. What I’m experiencing is really no different from what some others who are retiring or have been laid off experience. Yes, the separation was on my terms, but I can see how these manic-depressive emotions ebb and flow through anyone making a huge change in employment.
Conclusion: in this case, it’s perfectly OK to be bipolar. 🙂